


I'd sacrifice my life for you

by icantwatchyousuffer



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:52:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icantwatchyousuffer/pseuds/icantwatchyousuffer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert swears that he loves Aaron more than anything... But is he all words?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Can't keep away

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction! I spent a long time on this, so hopefully you'll like it, though I can't promise it'll be much good! Thanks for reading :)

Today is the happiest day of my life. Today I marry Aaron Livesy.  
6 months earlier:  
“I’m off to the pub,” I shout upstairs to Chrissie. “Again?” I hear her shout. I've done this every day for the past week, but I just have to get a glimpse of him, even if we’re not together anymore.  
After reeling off some excuses, I head out the door. The air is icy cold, but my heart warms at the idea of seeing my Aaron again. I’ve missed him these last couple of weeks. I’ve missed his sarcastic comments that keep me grounded; his beautiful eyes full of lust as he looks at me; his breathless whispers in my ear as we become one. But it’s over. He isn’t MY Aaron anymore. But still, I can’t stay away- he’s part of me now. He knows parts of me that nobody else does or ever will, so even if I can’t be with him, I just have to see him.   
As I make my way over to the bar I’m greeted with glares from Chas, but she can’t kick off at me- after all, Diane also owns the pub. She hisses, “Why do you keep doing this? How do you expect him to move on, when you’re constantly in his face?!”  
I’m not angry with her. I don’t hate her. I understand- she loves him, and just like me she would do whatever she could to keep him happy. Except that me sitting here isn’t going to help anyone. Chas is right, I’m hurting him by being here, and hurting him is the last thing I want to do. Just as I’m about to force myself to leave, Aaron walks through from the back of the pub. I can’t take my eyes off him, and as soon as he notices me we lock eyes. Hurt flashes over his, which physically hurts my heart. I’m the one that hurt him. I hurt the person I love most in the world. But I still can’t look away.   
The world stands still and all I can see are his mesmerising light blue eyes. He bites his lip, and my mind casts back to memories of us. I can feel myself getting hard… this is bad. I shake my head and cast my gaze towards my pint, looking at it intently in an attempt to ignore the stunning man in such close proximity. Why did I let him go?  
But Chas reminded me why. All I was doing was causing him pain. And I loved him too much to do that. I had to let him go. So now I turn and I leave, knowing all too well Aaron’s eyes are on me. 

It was only a week or so later when I saw Aaron again. I just needed to see he was okay. I knew what he was like when he was upset- what if he was taking it out on himself? My brain went into overdrive at the idea of it. So I just had to check if he was okay- if he was harming himself I could never forgive myself.  
I opened the door to the back of the pub to be greeted with a smiling Diane. “Hi Robert! You haven’t been in as much lately! How are you? How’s Chrissie?”  
The sound of Chrissie’s name sent a wave of guilt through me. I haven’t been treating her well. She can’t understand my refusal to be intimate with her, but I don’t want her. I only want him. I know it should be the other way round, what with Chrissie being my wife and all, but whenever I’m with her I feel like I’m cheating on him.  
I internally groan at myself. _God, Sugden, you’re not even with him anymore._  
Still, it feels like a betrayal.  
“She’s good, Diane… I’m good too, thanks,” I blatantly lie, but what would she suspect? As far as she knows I’m in a happy, heterosexual relationship with a great job and a nice family, and there’s nothing else I could want or need. Life is simple for me in her eyes. And it would be, if only I hadn’t met him.  
“Do you know where Aaron is?” I ask, “I just need to talk to him about the scrapyard.”  
“He’s just through there at the bar,” she replies, “But he’s not doing all too good- I think he must be coming down with something.”  
“Thanks Diane,” I mumble, before rushing into the pub.  
I take a sharp breath when I see him- he looks exhausted. He has huge bags and the life is gone from his eyes. God… What have I done?!


	2. A not so quiet drink...

Aaron’s POV:  
I just want a quiet drink. I don’t want to hear my mum trying to convince me that this is for the best. I was hoping the alcohol would drown out my thoughts, but it seems to be doing quite the opposite. All I can focus on is bloody Robert Sugden.  
His soft, blonde hair; His beautiful toned body; his intense blue eyes; the way he says my name; the vulnerable, hurting side to him that only I can see.  
I remember a conversation we had a couple of months ago. He was drunk- kicked out by Chrissie. He opened up to me and said something that really hit me, 'I’m scared of being alone'.   
I remember my birthday- he bought me an expensive watch. It meant a lot to me, as I know how important money is to him. His success is everything- it is proof to his dad that he’s not the loser he thought he was.  
I remember the week at Home Farm- his smiles so genuine, lighting up his eyes. Our kisses so passionate and deep that they literally took my breath away. He shouted out in his sleep, “Aaron, I love you. Stay with me, please. Don’t close your eyes- keep them open, look at me Aaron. The ambulance will be here soon. I love you, look at me. No, Aaron please open your eyes. Aaron, please. Please…”  
I remember gently shaking him awake, tears running down his face, his eyes so desperate to reach mine. But when I asked him what the dream was about, he just shook his head. I didn’t keep asking- he wasn’t ready to tell me. I just kissed away his tears and held him tight against me.   
“I love you, Robert,” I whispered to him, our faces millimetres apart.  
“I love you too, Aaron,” he responded, the terror in his eyes fading, and I believed him.  
But our bliss was ruined the next morning. I came downstairs to see a beaming Robert whisking pancake mixture. He asked me if I wanted to try and flip one. Walking over to the stove, I poured some oil into the pan and he poured some mix onto it. But when I attempted to flip it, it folded in on itself and despite my best efforts it wouldn’t open back out. Robert smirked and made one himself, perfectly flipping it and popping it onto a plate. It’s not fair- he used to be a chef.  
“Do you want me to help?” he laughed, wrapping his arms round my waist from behind.   
“Don’t… need your… help,” I mumbled, trying to focus my attention on the stove and not the gorgeous man standing only in his black boxer briefs behind me.   
But he kept his arms round me, reaching for the oil before pouring the batter on. He guided my hand to the handle and told me exactly when to flip it, and this time, thank god, it worked.   
“A little chef in the making,” he said with a wink, “But I can think of some better things those hands of yours could do…”  
I bit my lip, “And what might they be, Robert Jacob Sugden?” I asked, reaching my hand down to his buldge and palming it slightly. He was already getting hard. And I couldn’t stop myself either. He pulled me towards him, and I grinded against him, desperate to feel him wholly. His lips desperately found mine, pulling me into a deep, rough kiss.   
Ring, ring… Ring, ring.  
He reached for his phone, ready to turn it on silent, but on seeing the incoming call from Chrissie he sighed in irritation. “I’m so sorry, Aaron, I’m going to have to answer.”  
I shrugged- what else could he do? But it sent me shooting back down to earth. This man who I’m in love with has a wife. He has a great job. He has everything. He’d never give it all up to be with me. I heard him on the phone, “Yes, I’m fine, though I’m missing you.”   
I could faintly hear her voice on the end of the line, “I miss you more. I love you Robert,”   
He grimaced at this, and I waited for his response, “Okay Chrissie, see you soon.”  
I furrowed my eyebrows… he didn’t say he loved her. Maybe there is a future for us. This week has gave us a glimpse of what life could be like, and I know he loved it as much as me. But my heart dropped when he sighed and forced out, “I love you too, Chrissie.”  
He cut off the call and looked at me apologetically. “Sorry about that Aaron,” he said, and he moved towards me again, though I could see in his eyes that he knew we couldn’t just continue where we left off. I pushed him away, shaking my head. “Leave it, Rob, I know you love her more than you’ll ever love me. It’s okay, I accept it, but I just can’t be with you. I can’t be second best to someone I would give my life for.”  
“No, Aaron! You can't leave me again! I love you, I swear! I’d give up everything for you… my job, my house, my life,”   
“I know you love me- I heard you in your dreams, but don’t say that. Because let’s be honest, you wouldn’t give it up for me. You just don’t love me _enough_.”  
And after one last look at the perfect man stood before me, I turned and left, swearing to myself that it was for the best.  
And now, 2 weeks later, I am at the bar, unable to think of anything but him. I can’t sleep anymore, and the only release I get is from physical pain. I think my mum has started to suspect something is wrong, so I’ve done my best to hide the cuts as best as I can, but they just keep multiplying. But it’s the only way I can get through all this- the moments of sharp pain are the only times I can forget about him and about what I’ve lost. So all the covering up and deceit is worth it for the brief moments of nothingness.  
I look up wearily and am shocked to see him standing there. The first few days after I broke it off him, he was in here every day, just looking over at me. For a few days I thought he might have really meant what he said. That he really cared. That he really would give everything up for me. But then he stopped coming and I knew I was right. No matter what he said, I wasn’t enough.   
But here he is again, a worried look flashing over his face as he makes his way over to me. He is wearing a black hoodie, blue t-shirt and black skinny jeans. He looks different, but still breath-taking as ever.  
 _Stop, Aaron. This is the alcohol talking. You don’t want him- he’s bad for you._  
Looking down at my pint, however, I can see I’ve only had about half of it… My mind has been focused elsewhere. He sits down on a stool next to me but I keep focused on the beer. “Aaron, please listen to me,” he pleads, but I can’t because if I do, I know I’ll give in. I push away from the bar and walk round the back, sitting on the sofa with my head in my hands. This is for the best. But moments later he is back beside me. “Please Aaron, I need to know you’re okay.”


	3. Prove it

We’re sat in the back now, and I wish I could do something to take the pain away. I love him so, so much and I can’t bear seeing him like this. “Just talk to me Aaron. Say something.”  
“Leave me alone Robert,” he sighs, keeping his head in his hands. I place a hand on his leg, and it feels so right, like it’s the most natural thing in the world. It’s like I was made for him, and he was made for me. There’s a word in Portuguese… ‘Saudade’. It is a word that has no direct translation, but it means like having a feeling of being incomplete… of being away from something or someone you need… It’s the searching and longing for something that may never be. There’s not a word more appropriate for how I’m feeling. So as he moves his hands from his face and looks down at my hand, I grab his tightly. “Aaron,” I whisper, edging closer, drawn to him. He looks up at me and I’m met with eyes reflecting such sorrow I can hardly bear it. I lean towards him and our lips meet into a soft, heartfelt kiss.  
Soon we are pressed against each other once more, but as I pull the hem of his t-shirt up he shakes his head, “Robert, don’t...”  
I brace myself for what I’m about to see, and as I pull the cotton up his chest is covered in long, deep gashes. This is what I’ve done to him. I drove him to this. “Aaron, I am so, so sorry. I hate myself for what I’ve put you through. I have nightmares about this sort of thing, and now it’s a reality and I can’t watch you go through this. I’m so, so sorry...”  
I feel faint. The idea that I did this to him makes me dizzy. I hate myself. I always have to hurt the people I love the most. I pull him in close and I never want to let go.  
He pulls away abruptly again, “Robert, I said we can’t do this and I mean it. Your lifestyle is too important for you and I can see that. I only want you to be happy, but I can’t make you happy like Chrissie can. I can’t do that,”  
“You have no idea Aaron! When I met Chrissie I thought I had it made- I could prove to everyone back here that I wasn’t nothing. I had a beautiful fiancée, a great job and a huge house, and that’s all that I needed. But then you came along. I thought I was in love with Chrissie, but it wasn’t love for her. It was a want for the lifestyle that came with her. But you… I fell for you so quickly, I panicked. I still panic now about how much I love you. I am so in love with you Aaron Livesy, and I can’t let you go.”  
Tears roll down my face, and I stare into Aaron’s eyes, desperate for a response. He edges closer till we’re almost touching, “Then prove it, Robert.”   
Robert’s POV:  
“Prove it,”- it keeps circling round my head. I’ve gone to get some water from the kitchen, and I can feel Aaron’s gaze on me. I lean against the sink and our eyes meet again, and I know this is what I want. What I have with Chrissie- that isn’t love, but this is. I have never been so certain of anything in my life. I pull out my phone and text Chrissie, _Could you come to the back of the pub now? Diane will let you come on through_ , I send. I hear an audible sigh from Aaron and he notices my phone.  
“Still, she’s more important though. No matter what you say to me, I know she is your priority. This is why I can’t keep seeing you Robert. Either you or I have to leave… I’ve less to lose.”  
“No, Aaron, you can’t leave. I’ll give it all up. Trust me, please. I love you, just trust me.”


	4. Has that proved enough?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all of the hits and kudos! It means the world to me :) I'll keep updating as much as possible!

Aaron’s POV:  
I don’t know what to do. He swears he loves me and I believe him. The nightmares he’s had; the way he opens up to me; the way his eyes are always drawn to me. He loves me. But is love enough?  
He’s begging me to stay though, and I can’t leave because I know how distraught he would be, and I can’t be the cause of that. So I stay. He leans in again, and pulls me into the deepest kiss. It feels different. It is so full with love and lust and I know this is meant to be.   
Then suddenly the door opens, but Robert doesn’t pull away immediately as usual. He leans in for one more, lingering kiss then pulls away. I look up at the door and Chrissie is standing there, mouth wide open, registering what she just saw.  
I expect Robert to start an act of, “It’s not what it looks like,” and, “I love you Chrissie, take me back.” But instead, Robert stands up and takes my hand. My heart is thumping but I stand up next to him, feeling stronger in his hand.   
“Robert… what… you’re…? I don’t understand…” she stutters.   
“I’m sorry, Chrissie,” he says. He appears strong, but I can tell how nervous he is by the shaking in his hands and the slight tremor in his voice.   
She swallows and looks up again, “You know, when I got this text I thought something would be wrong. You’ve been off lately, and I’ve heard you murmuring his name in your dreams but I didn’t expect you to be having an affair with him. You dirty, cheating bastard! I hope you rot in hell!”  
I step forward, ready to defend him, but Robert pulls me back towards him. “Don’t,” he whispers with a slight shake of his head. And so I don't.   
Then Lawrence appears behind her. “What did you want to talk about Robert?” he asks, before seeing the tears on Chrissie’s face. “Chrissie? What’s wrong?” he asks.  
“What’s wrong is that our dear Robert has been carrying it on with Aaron! Aaron of all people! A man!”  
I can see the realisation sweep over Lawrence’s face. Edna had told me what he had been through, but that doesn’t mean he’ll empathise with me, I’m sure. He points a finger at me, “You… You’ll pay for this!” he threatens, and he pulls Chrissie away.  
Robert’s POV:  
I’m shaking. But a huge, huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hear Chrissie in the pub mouthing off at Chas, “You’re joke of a son has been having it on with my husband!” she shouts. “Did you hear that everyone?! Robert is still a lying, cheating piece of scum!”  
I sigh- this isn’t how I wanted everyone to find out, but I have a feeling going through and trying to get her to go will only make things worse. Plus, I want to be with Aaron- who cares what anyone else thinks.   
“Did that prove enough?” I ask, lifting my eyes to Aaron, tears rolling down my face.  
“It more than proved enough,” he whispers, and he draws me into a strong embrace. My chest is against his, and I feel the fast beating of his heart in tune with mine.  
“I love you,”  
“I love you too.”


	5. Nothing's ever that simple.

And that leads us to today. Today is the day that I marry the person I love more than anyone or anything. I just wish I’d realised he was all I needed sooner.  
It was only 2 or so months ago that I suggested a wedding. I mean, we were already living together (I moved into his room at the pub, and we were in the process or buying the house where Harriet and Ashley lived before they started building their new house), and the love between us was clear to see, so why not tie the knot? Chas wasn’t too happy at first, but even she could see how much happier we both were together. I am a better person when I’m with him.  
So now I’m walking towards the church with Andy in my black wedding suit, unable to keep the beaming smile off my face. And as soon as I see Aaron I know that this was always meant to be. He looks gorgeous in his suit. We chose fairly similar ones, and although I know I look good today, I have to say I don’t think anyone in the world could look as good as him. He is smiling as brightly as me, and his hair is gel-free, his blue eyes lighting up as they meet mine. And then we walk down the aisle hand in hand, and I can't believe how lucky I am to be with him today.  
Aaron’s POV:  
I am opposite him now, and I’ve just finished my vows. I can’t believe we’re standing here, about to get married. To the strongest, most beautiful man in the world. A few months ago I would've never believed this could ever happen. _Robert Sugden giving up everything for me? If only!_ But this is the start of our new life. Together. Life has been rough on me, I think it's fair to say, but now I know that pain is gone. I've never in my whole life been as happy as I am standing opposite him today.  
Robert’s POV:  
Tears of joy roll down my face as I look at him. I can't imagine how I coped without him. He's changed me, and I'm never, ever letting him go.  
“I, Robert Sugden, take you, Aaron Livesy, to be my law…”  
BANG!  
Something that looks like a bullet narrowly misses Aaron. Panic rises in my chest as I turn and face the entrance to be met with a grimacing Chrissie. “Please!” I beg, “Don’t do this!”  
I couldn’t bear to lose him, not now, not ever. Not my Aaron. But no pleading will stop her. “This is your fault Robert! You deserve to lose him, like I lost you!” She hisses, and trains the gun on Aaron, "My dad told you you'd pay for what you put me through," she snarls at him. I feel sick. My body tenses, my heart pounding. _What do I do?! Surely there's something I can do... I can't lose him. I can't, I can't, I can't._  
But Aaron just looks straight at her and swallows. Then he looks at me with eyes that look like he’s accepted his fate, “Robert... Robert, I’d rather I die than you."  
BANG!  
Oh god no. No!  
I jump in front of him, and an excruciating pain pounds through me as the bullet hits. This is it. This is how it all ends.


	6. I'll never see him again

Aaron’s POV:  
As soon as the bullet hits, Chrissie holds a hand to her mouth and starts sobbing, realising what she’s done. But I can’t feel sorry for her. Robert…  
“Robert, please, Rob can you hear me?” I beg. His beautiful body lies on the floor, blood staining his pure white shirt. He looks straight at me though, “I told you I’d give up my life for you Aaron,” he rasps. Then his eyes close.  
Not again… No, no, no not again… Why does this always happen? I’m toxic- everyone close to me gets hurt. I fall to my knees, sobs racking my body. Why does such a good person have to die? He’s been desperate to be accepted all his life, and when he finally is this happens. All the times he’s shown how strong he is. Sarah’s death, being forced to leave Emmerdale, Jack’s death, admitting who he is. And now, in a matter of seconds, that’s all gone and all I’m left with is memories. I can’t live without him. I can’t without my Robert Sugden.   
The ambulance arrives soon, and I pray to God that they’ll say he’s okay, but the frowns on their faces say otherwise. They pull him onto a stretcher and hook him up on machines, but I can’t help feeling it’s too late. His face is unharmed, but if I look down I can see the fatal wound that will take him away from me. And it’s too much.  
There wasn’t enough space in the ambulance as they needed a big crew to monitor him in these crucial moments, so I tail him in his car. His music automatically starts playing. Our music. “If the heavens ever did speak. She’s the last true mouthpiece. Every Sunday’s getting more bleak. Fresh poison each week. We were born sick, but I love it. Command me to be well…”  
I turn it off- it hurts too much to remember the memories.   
I reach the hospital later than the ambulance. They were moving very quickly as he’s in a critical condition. As I rush through the doors I see Diane weeping in the waiting room.   
No... Oh god no... “He’s not going to make it Aaron,” she sobs, “They don’t think he’s going to make it.”  
And the pain hits again. My sobs turn into coughs, and I run outside, throwing up and doubling over myself, falling to my knees. I look to the sky and shout, “WHY?! WHY ROBERT? WHY… why… why?”  
I need to see him. I need to see him one last time. I run back into the hospital and follow Diane’s instructions to his room, but she says they won’t let anyone in. When I reach him I look through the glass, and I can see him lying there helpless, eyes shut and doctors rush around him. His heart beat slows and I can see the panic in their eyes and I'm struggling to breathe, but they keep working on him until he’s steady again. A doctor comes out and sees me. “Is there any news?” I ask frantically, “Is he going to…” I swallow, “Is he going to die…”   
“Who are you?” he asks, and upon hearing my name he nods in recognition. “I see,” he says, “Before Robert fell into a coma, he was repeating your name over and over. He’d be dead now, but you kept him going,”  
I’m shaking- I wish I could have been there. Maybe he would have kept his eyes open. But what-ifs won’t do anyone any good now. I need to see him.  
“Can I go in?” I ask.   
“Yes, but he is in a coma, and we have to begin to prepare for the worst…”  
“The worst?”  
“I’m sorry, Aaron, but the blood loss is extensive, it is almost certain that he will never wake up.”  
I can't think. I can't breathe. I can't speak.


	7. Always here, waiting.

Robert’s POV:  
I woke in the ambulance surrounded by ambulance crew. There was a shooting, searing pain in my side and as I tried to sit up I saw blood. Way too much blood. And I knew this was it. I needed to see Aaron. I needed to say goodbye. But no matter how much I screamed his name, he wasn’t there. I couldn’t see him one last time… I knew it was too late as soon as I closed my eyes again, and it was the worst feeling in the world. Death was better.  
And now I’m not sure where I am. Time has passed, I know. Perhaps a couple of days… maybe a week. I can hear beeping, so perhaps I am in hospital. Is Aaron okay?! Did Chrissie hurt him?! Oh my god no what if she hurt him?! Then I remember… I remember the gun… I remember the panic rising in my chest as it was pointed at him… I remember my desperate attempts to save him… I remember looking at his beautiful face for what I knew was the last time… I remember the ambulance… And I remember hearing doctors. Hearing, “He’s not going to make it,” and “Aaron’s outside but I told him he can’t come in.”  
I remember feeling so helpless as I tried to open my eyes to beg them to let him in. But I couldn’t move, I couldn’t open my eyes. I was trapped inside my motionless body, so I gave up. Tried to shut off my brain. But every time I felt like I was finally drifting away I thought of him. I couldn’t leave him… not without saying goodbye.  
And so here I am, still lying here unable to wake myself up. And I am so desperate to, but it hurts so much. Everything hurts- my head especially. It’s constant, never-ending pain. But I just need to hear Aaron, and only then can I let go.  
I hear the door open and immediately I can feel his presence in the room. My heart starts thudding faster I’m sure… In fact, the heart monitor’s beeps prove that. I want to see him… I need to see him, but I can’t wake up. Please let me wake up.  
Then I hear his voice. “Robert… Oh god Robert… I wish they’d have let me see you earlier.”  
I hear him take a short, shaky breath, “I love you Robert. Don’t leave me. I know it may feel like it’s easier to go- I know, but just stay here… stay here with me. Remember what it’s like- what it could be like, if only you stay here with me. Come on Sugden, you’re strong. Hang on in there… hang on in there for me… please…”  
I can hear his voice getting quieter and quieter, replaced by shaking sobs. I thought I could let go once I heard his voice, but now that isn't enough. I can't not see him again. No matter how bad the pain is, nothing is more painful than the idea of losing him.  
Aaron’s POV:  
I’ve been sat here for hours. Last week when the doctor said he wouldn’t survive they let me come in, but even that brief chance to see him was ripped from me within minutes. But now, finally, I can see him again. They say it’s up to him now- there’s nothing more they can do. But even if they’ve given up, I won’t. I’m not ready to let this sulky, arrogant, beautiful, perfect man go.  
He looks so vulnerable… so innocent lying there. I don’t know if he heard what I said, but if he did I hope with every ounce of me that he keeps going because of it- like how I did when I fell. But this is worse. He has been shot. The chances of survival are so slim I should accept it now, but I can’t. Robert Sugden cannot leave me on my own. Surely it’s not his time yet?  
So I’m still here, holding his hand. I know he can’t feel it, but maybe, just maybe, he can sense I’m still here. Always here, waiting.


	8. Drifting... Falling... Nothing.

Robert’s POV:  
He’s still here. I know he is. Every now and again I can tell he’s gone and I panic. When he’s not here I feel like giving up. My body still hurts- every centimetre of it pounding with pain. It would be so easy just to let go…  
But he’s always back. Never letting me drift off for too long. He talks to me. He tells me about the news; the footy results; gossip in the village. He tells me about Diane and Andy and Vic and how worried they are… Chas and Paddy too. He reminds me how many people need me to wake up. But the one who matters most to me is him. It always has been; always will be.  
When he's here I don't _want_ to go. I don't want to leave him.  
But he’s gone again, I can tell. Maybe he’s gone to the loo or gone to get a cuppa? But time passes and I feel so tired, so weak, my mind drifting again. My thoughts flow in and out of one another- never coherent enough to understand. The pain is fading and then I’m drifting. Then I’m falling… Drifting… Falling… Drifting… I hear Aaron’s voice… “Then you’ll say bye bye us”, “Say it again,”, "I'm not gonna sit back and watch you make the biggest mistake of your life,", “I love you, and I think you feel the same.”  
Then… nothing.


	9. Flatlined

Aaron's POV:  
I rush back in with my coffee to see doctors surrounding Robert. "What's wrong?!" I shout, but as I look at his heart monitor I know.   
He's flatlined.  
"ROBERT! ROBERT!" I scream, pushing my way towards him. Doctors are pulling me back, but I can't leave him lying there. "ROBERT PLEASE! ROBERT WAKE UP!"  
The doctors keep trying to pull me away as they use a defibrillator on him, but he's not responding. What if it's too late?  
I fall onto my knees next to him and grab his hand. "Rob, please. Please don't go yet. I love you Robert. Robert come back, please. I'm here. Come back,"   
Still, nothing.  
I'm desperate now, "Robert! Robert please!"   
They're dragging me away.  
"ROBERT! COME BACK! COME BACK! ROBERT I'M HERE, PLEASE!"

His body jerks and at first I think it's the defibrillator shocking his body again, but then he shouts, "Aaron! Aaron I'm here! What's wrong? AARON?!"

Robert's POV:  
"ROBERT I'M HERE, PLEASE!"  
I hear it in the distance. It sounds muffled and distant but I know it's him. But something is wrong- I can hear it in his voice. There's panic and sorrow and terror. Is he hurt?! I need to see him, to check if he's okay, but blackness surrounds me.   
Where am I? I need to get to him! I shout.  
"Aaron! Aaron I'm here! What's wrong? AARON?!"  
My breathing is erratic as I rip off a mask on my face. I need oxygen. My mind won't focus and the lights are blinding. My head pounds and suddenly doctors are surrounding me and I can see I'm wired up to machines. What is going on and where is he?! God- if he's hurt... 

I try to push myself up to work out what's happening, but my arms are so weak. I look around desperately, trying to find him.  
And then my eyes fall on his, and tears are running down his face, but he's okay. Relief fills my chest, and it seems reflected in his eyes as he pushes his way towards me and despite the doctor's arguing he holds me so tight, and I can't believe I can hold him in my arms again.   
"I thought I'd lost you," he whispers, his tears falling onto mine.  
I pull him closer until our foreheads touch, "You're the reason I'm still here."


	10. Together.

Aaron's POV:  
The first few days after Robert woke up I was in a complete daze. After having accepted that the man I loved was going to die, to have him lie there and talk to me- look me in the eyes... It was just unbelievable. He was still extremely weak, and extremely confused, but he was awake and recovering and that's all that mattered to me.  
Every time he closed his eyes though, my heart raced and my mind was pulled by to the horrible memories of him lying there, lifeless. And my sleep was riddled with nightmares- it still is, actually. I've dreamt a million ways in which I could lose him.   
But that doesn't matter, because now when I wake up, he is next to me, hugging me; whispering comforts in my ear- reminding me that he is here to stay.  
And my heart has never been so glad.

As I roll over in bed and face him, he looks straight at me, his eyes reflecting the light of every star in the world. I can't look away.

"Aaron, I love you more than you can imagine- more than I can explain or understand. The universe made us to be forever. It's been a long, impossibly difficult journey, but I know that we're forever."

After everything we've been through, I can hardly respond. Cheesy though it may be, I am just filled with such great relief and love, my heart feels like it could explode.   
All I can do is whisper, "I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so, so much for everyone who read my first fanfiction! I know it's far from perfect, and I really wanted to be able to portray the characters more, but I really hope you enjoyed it!   
> I will do my best to write more fanfictions of the beautiful Robert and Aaron in the future- I had a blast writing this!  
> Anyway, thank you all so much again!   
> Rose x


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